Monday, October 01, 2012

Be Happy Even for Just A Minute

I need some laughter today...

VICE GANDA: "Nakakaloka sa pelikula.. minsan ang tatanga.. Tingnan nyo yung mga babae pag may eksenang RAPE. Yung babae nasa loob ng room.. tapos yung mama tatadyakan yung pinto. BOOGSH! Say ng babae, "AH SINO KA?" Putris! Rapist? Papakilala? "Ay! Ito po I.D. ko mam. Titirahin po kita ngayon! Diyan po ako nagwo-work. Ito po address ko..’ Magtataka ka kung ung Rapist may Nametag! Tapos yung guy naghuhubad na.. sabi nung babae, ‘Ah! Anong gagawin mo sakin?!’ "WALA PAPAKITA KO LANG BRIEF KO BAGO KASI ‘TO EH.’"

TEACHER: "Define globalization?"
STUDENT: "Princess Diana’s death, mam!"
TEACHER: "How?"
STUDENT: "An English princess with Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian drunk on Scotch whiskey, chased by Italian paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor using Brazilian medicine."


PULIS: "Bakit dumaan ka dito? ONE WAY ito, a!"
DRIVER: "Patawarin mo na lang ako, Sir!"
PULIS: "Tagalogin mo nga ang ONE WAY?"
DRIVER: "Isang daan?"
PULIS: "OK! Pwede na yun!"

Guard to death row prisoner before execution: GUARD: "Any last wish?"
PRISONER: "Yes, i would like to update my facebook status to "Died"."  



A good date ends with a dinner.
But, an awesome date ends with a Breakfast.

TEACHER: "Ok class magbigay kayo ng prutas na ngsisimula sa letter B.."
JUAN: "Mam! Ako may alam!"
GURO: "Ano yun?"
JUAN: "Bulok na mangga, bulok na papaya, bulok na pakwan…"
GURO: "Bulok din grade mo!"


“Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for is the one with the gun. If they don’t chase you when you walk away, KEEP WALKING.”

A father wanted to teach his kid the evils of alcohol. So, he put a worm in a glass of water, and another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived while the one in alcohol died.
DAD: "All right, son, what can you conclude from these?"
SON: "Well, dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you won’t have worms!"
  



MAN: "Baby, sometimes I want to call you in the midnight and tell you how much I love you."
LADY: "And why don’t you?"
MAN: "Because I hear a voice that stops me to call you."
LADY: "And what voice is that?!"
MAN: "A voice that says "your account balance is insufficient to make this call."

 Thanks

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