Five no-nonsense LGBTQ dating tips to ignite the spark of love
Everyone deserves a love story, but let’s face it: dating within
the LGBTQ community isn’t cakewalk. This is especially true for those just
coming to terms with their sexuality and are unsure where to start.
There are
a few options to kick off the quest for love, from LGBTQ-friendly bars to
online forums and dating apps. Still, the experience can be quite
nerve-wracking without some kind of guide. In the spirit of Pride Month this
June, here are five practical tips from people’s experiences to help kindle the
chance for romance:
Know Your Comfort Level
The LGBTQ community is vast with many levels of coming out. Simple
gestures such as holding hands or hugging in public may already be an issue for
some, while others may avoid dating in certain places for fear of being seen by
family or friends. If you are similarly on the shy side, you may feel more
comfortable dating someone equally reserved. It’s understandable that courage
can take time, and there’s no shame coming out step by step.
Consider Safe Spaces
The typical coffee shop or restaurant isn’t bad for a meet-up, but
if you want a sure-fire, LGBTQ-friendly place in Metro Manila, here’s a few you
can consider. Fred’s Revolucion is one among other establishments in Cubao
Expo, Quezon City, that signed up for the Safe Space Campaign in 2013 to show
commitment in the fight against homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia. Another
is Uno Morato, a cultural hub, coffee shop, and bar along Maginhawa Street,
Quezon City, where LGBTQ dates would not feel out of place. In Poblacion,
Makati, Commune offers great Philippine coffee and conversation for any and all
visitors. There’s plenty more places like these where you and your date can
feel more secure opening up, so be sure to look up LGBTQ-friendly spaces online
when planning a casual meet-up.
Build Rapport
Chances are your date is just as anxious, more so if you two are
newly out and new to the dating scene. In that case, it’s ok to tell your date
that you’re nervous to help lighten the mood. Break the ice further by asking
basic questions about work, school, hobbies, or future plans, and don’t be
afraid to talk about yourself. Being too cautious would only make you look
boring, disinterested, or untrustworthy. Should you talk about politics and
religion? Some advise against it, but if you’re serious about finding a
long-term partner, you would want to know whether your values and principles
match. Just keep an open mind and stay cool even if the other one takes a stance
opposite yours. Do watch out about getting too personal once the ball starts
rolling, like suddenly talking about bedroom fantasies or exes if there are
any. You want your date to feel safe, not pressured, objectified, or plainly
creeped out.
Set Realistic Expectations
It’s not wrong to have standards when dating, but remember that no
one is perfect. Don’t let a stringent checklist or ideal preference stop you
from enjoying the company of new people. It’s also important not to be too
self-conscious, so be yourself and laugh a little. Who knows, your date might
just find you attractive and you click from the get go. There are a few red
flags, of course, like if your date is rude to the wait staff or has terrible
hygiene. Otherwise, be confident and have fun.
Drop a Message
Even if a first date isn’t successful, it’s polite to say
something after. Most people today, including members of the LGBTQ community,
resort to ghosting—suddenly disappearing from contact without
explanation—hoping to get their message across, but imagine being in that other
person’s shoes. Rejection is tough, and it gets tougher if you don’t know why.
Always follow the golden rule. Send the other person a message saying thanks
for hanging out with you, and that you think you don’t match or didn’t feel a
romantic connection. On the other hand, if you liked your date, be sure to say
that you enjoyed the evening and are interested in seeing him or her again.
Don’t sound too pushy, though. Your date is also evaluating you, so give the
other person a chance to accept or deny the offer of a second meeting.
LGBTQ
dating in the real world isn’t something openly televised or given exposure on
media. Fortunately, some shows like First
Dates feature everyday people, men and women across the rainbow spectrum,
going on blind dates—real-life scenarios perfect for a few lessons on dating.
Want more tips on how to go about dating in the LGBTQ world? See how aspiring
couples take a shot at love on First
Dates, Tuesdays at 8:50PM, first and exclusive on Blue Ant
Entertainment.
Blue Ant Entertainment is available on SKYcable channels 53 (SD)
and 196 (HD), SKYdirect channel 35, Destiny Cable channel 53, and Cablelink
channels 37 (SD) and 313 (HD).
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